Solutions
by RadioChick
Summary: Nick and Sara work the case of a suicide only to find they both have ties to the victim.Dedicated to my late cousin who took his life this year after many years of battling. For all those others...keep fighting.
1. line of fire

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here. Please don't sue me. I bruise easily. ;)  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
It wasn't something she had ever meant to do. That was what the last line said of the quickly scrawled letter Sara and Nick found in the car seat next to the victim. It was written on the back of a bank envelope. The handwriting was poor, and obviously written in haste. Perhaps she changed her mind at the last minute only to find her body had already lost the fight. Sara held the letter in her latex-covered hands, and stared past it at nothing. The garage still smelled of fumes. The hood of the car was still warm. Both CSI's moved about collecting evidence in relative silence. They had each seen far worse. There were no signs that anyone else had any hand in the suicide. They'd run the evidence by the labs. Have the tests run. Finger and shoe prints would be examined, and verified. Names would be cleared. It would all be routine, and probably open and shut.  
  
"It's sad." Sara broke the silence briefly, causing Nick to jump a bit.  
  
He nodded. He studied her while she wasn't looking. They had both gone over the inside of the house. They had each taken a room; Sara the bedroom, Nick the living room. Each finding every day items you would see in any house. Nothing out of place. The place was very clean. Spotless even. But Nick had seen the books on her coffee table. Sara had checked her computer for e- mails, and any pertinent information that might give them an idea as to why a seemingly successful, young woman had ended her life.  
  
One Hour Earlier:  
  
"You got the bedroom?" Nick looked over his shoulder at Sara, and winked.  
  
"Yeah. Looks like her computer's in there."  
  
Sara walked down the hall, and flipped on the light switch as she entered the room. She had seen the PC in the bedroom on their initial walkthrough. Personal computers were often a great source for clues. Especially when you needed insight into a victim's personal life. Part of her felt a tinge of guilt as she pushed the power button, and watched the machine come to life. The desktop was adorned with a classic Italian painting. She checked the e- mail inbox first. The last e-mail was sent earlier that morning. Sara was apprehensive as she opened it. She read the letter carefully. It was apparently sent as a goodbye to a close friend or love. 'You always knew how to make me smile.' 'I regret we never did go to that beach at sunset.' It was all about things that had been left unfinished. Regrets. A deep sense of mournful loss and giving up. Sara shuddered at the thought of being the person who received this e-mail, and finding out about the death that followed. The suicide rate was high among law enforcement, but this was the first time she'd had to investigate one locally. Nat Walker had been a police officer with the LVPD for four years. She came from a wealthy family in Texas. Sara closed the e-mail, and opened up the web browser, looking at the 'favorites' in her web pages. She entered a familiar forum, which the vic was already set to log into. A short gasp left her lips. She shook her head, and stood up to get a breather. She paced the room a few times, looked down the hallway to see where Nick was, then went back to the computer. Sara fought the tears. She wasn't one to cry at the drop of a hat like some girls she'd known. This was a crime scene. She couldn't cry at a crime scene. She stood up again. She had to pull herself together, or she'd get thrown off this case.  
  
"Sara?" Nick startled her as he gently put a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?" He knew from just looking at her that she was definitely not ok.  
  
"I knew the victim." She said it like she was admitting guilt.  
  
"Why are you just telling me this? You shouldn't have taken this case, Sara." He looked worried. Not for the case, but for his friend who looked like she was on the verge of tears. He had seen her angry, moody , even depressed, but he had never seen her cry.  
  
"I didn't know then." She pointed to the screen, unwilling to explain in any detail out loud.  
  
Nick sat down at the desk, and glanced at the screen. It was a forum for childhood survivors of abuse that the university had set up. He knew even before reading a word what the forum was about. He crossed his arms, and gave a deep sigh. He stared down at the floor with his eyes firmly shut.  
  
"Nick? C'mon. It's not like I tell everyone this stuff. How could I have known?" She thought he was upset with her. He was her best friend in Vegas, and she never told him anything about her past.  
  
"Sar'. . .I knew the victim too."  
  
Sara sat down on the bed.  
  
"I'm sorry." It was the only thing she could say.  
  
"Yeah. . . me too." Nick looked up at the screen. He read the last entry the victim had made.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Sara looked over at him. This was his case. It was his call.  
  
"We can't quit this case." He looked her in the eyes to see if she understood. He knew she did, but he wanted confirmation.  
  
"We gather the evidence, drop it off at the labs, and write the report. That's what we do." Sara stood up to leave the room. Nick turned off the computer, and followed her out to the hall. Brass was standing in the door to the garage with David looking over his shoulder.  
  
"They're ready to take the body if you're through with it." Brass stood with his hands clasped in front expectantly.  
  
"Go ahead, David." Nick called down the hall. David nodded, and disappeared into the garage.  
  
"Let's get this done and out of here." Sara followed him out to the garage.  
  
TBC 


	2. Howling

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here. Please don't sue me. I bruise easily. ;)  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
Sara closed the door to her apartment, and dropped her keys on her kitchen counter before reaching in the fridge for a bottle of water. She walked over to her computer, and sat down. After a heavy sigh, She turned it on. A message alerting her of a new article on the Physics Journal website was all that waited for her in her inbox. She logged onto the forum's website that she and Nick had been looking at earlier that morning. She typed in her nickname and password, and watched the page load up. Towards the top of the page were the previous days' posts. She reread the post Nat had left using the nickname "Behindthebadge". She looked beneath it at her own reply posted only a few hours before she went on shift. The world was too small. She glanced over the page. She didn't make a regular habit of logging on to the site. Only on bad days, when the nightmares were the worst, or a case came too close to home.  
  
"BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!"  
  
Sara glared at her pager. She had forgotten to take it off her belt. She looked at the message.  
  
"U ONLINE NICK"  
  
Sara flipped open her cell phone, and hit her second speed dial.  
  
"Hey." Nick was glad he'd caught her. "You logged in?"  
  
"Yeah." She felt a little nervous admitting this to Nick, but then he was probably doing the same thing.  
  
"Me too. I was wondering if we should say something to the forum." He paused.  
  
"I don't know. I didn't really know her that well. We'd just been exchanging replies for a few months. I just replied to her the other day. . .I was probably the last person she ever had any contact with." Sara stared at the screen, and read the post again for the hundredth time. The last words of a dying woman.  
  
"Yeah." Nick looked at the post she referred to and winced. "I, uh, just read it. I'm really sorry, Sara." He looked at her nickname, "Bulletproof". He wondered why she'd chosen that nickname. Sara wasn't good at talking about it to a real, breathing person yet. She just gave another sigh.  
  
"So how long have you been posting on here?" She leaned back in her chair.  
  
"A few years, off and on. Just when I'm having a bad day. It helps sometimes just to know I'm not a freak. There are lots of others out there who've been through it all too. Too many."  
  
"I didn't see this coming. I could tell she was having a bad time, but I didn't think she'd give up. I mean, none of us are very happy when we come on here. It's mostly to vent, and get support. Something must've happened." Sara's voice was quiet, and not as strong as Nick was used to hearing it.  
  
"You ever think about it?" Nick had to ask. He was staring at Sara's reply to Officer Walker.  
  
'I know what you mean. Some days it's hard just to get out of bed. There will always be bad guys, no matter how hard we work, or how many we put away. Sometimes I see a victim who didn't make it, and I think they were the lucky one. They don't have to live with the memories, or the nightmares, or the guilt. Then I feel horrible for thinking that way. A girl I was trying to help put away her rapist was killed. We should've been watching her place. We should've protected her. I still see her lying there. It haunts me.'  
  
Nick cleared the lump in his throat with a gruff "ahem!" Sara wasn't answering him.  
  
"Sar? You still there?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm here. This is just between us, Nick."  
  
"Of course!" Nick was offended that she had to even ask that of him.  
  
"Sorry. . .I wish you hadn't found out this way. Actually, no offense, but I wish you hadn't found out at all. I don't like talking about it."  
  
"Nobody's asking you too, but you still didn't answer my question. You ever think about suicide?"  
  
Sara looked at the screen, her eyes wide with fear. Did Nick think she was suicidal?  
  
"No! Nick, I'm not going to kill myself. I mean, I've thought about it over the years, but I never really would. I don't want to die."  
  
"You've been so sad lately. You hardly ever really talk to me anymore. I was kinda getting worried before, and then this."  
  
"It's more complicated than that. Just believe me. I'm not suicidal." Sara glanced over the page. "What's your nickname on the forum?"  
  
Nick cleared his throat again.  
  
"Why?" He wasn't sure about this.  
  
"You know mine. I was just curious. Have we ever chatted on here before?"  
  
It was Nick's turn to stare at his screen in fear. They had chatted. A few years back they had shared stories of painful memories from childhood. It was after that freak Nigle Crane had broken into his house, and nearly killed him. Anonymity had allowed him to bear his soul, and he wasn't sure if he could handle Sara knowing that just yet. . .still, hadn't she done the same, and he already knew it was her.  
  
"OK. But, like you said. This is just between us. We're friends and coworkers. I trust you here, Sidle."  
  
Sara waited for him to say something, but instead, she heard him typing again. A few moments of hearing rapid keystrokes went by before he finally spoke.  
  
"Refresh your screen, Sara." She did so, and saw the new topic listed by "LoneStar." Sara understood now why he had hesitated. She too remembered their chat.  
  
'Dear fellow members:  
  
I am very sad to have to inform you that last night we lost one of our members. Behindthebadge chose to end her own life. While I am sad, I am mostly angry. Suicide is the coward's way out. We're all in pain. Life is not easy. But you can't just throw up your hands, and say game over either. Some of you may get mad at me for saying this, but you can't just quit because life sucks. When life is so damn bad that you want to kill yourself? When there's absolutely NOTHING you can think of to live for? Then what have you got to lose? GO run down the street screaming at the top of your lungs! Buck naked if you want to. Tell that person who has been ruining your life for so long EXACTLY what you think about them. Screw the world! Screw everybody! They can kiss your ass! Do anything, anywhere, anyway, but just don't die. Dieing doesn't just make you a permanent victim, it let's the people who hurt you to begin with win. RAISE SOME FRIGGIN HELL! Scream. Wake the neighbors! And to everyone else, let's say a prayer for Officer Natalie Walker a.k.a. Behindthebadge.'  
  
Sara read the post, and smiled. Nick's optimism was endearing.  
  
"You're a good guy, Nick." Her voice caught a bit in her throat.  
  
"Think I ruffled some feathers?"  
  
"Probably. Kinda preachy, but at least you tried, and I think Nat would've approved. . .after she finished hitting you with her dummy club."  
  
"So. . .busy today?"  
  
"Not really." Sara grinned.  
  
"Good. I'll be there in ten." Nick hung up his phone before Sara could say no.  
  
Sara opened her door ten minutes later to let Nick in.  
  
"Come on." He grabbed her arm, and she barely had a chance to snag her keys on their way out.  
  
"Where are we going, Lonestar?" She grinned as he dragged her quickly to his car.  
  
"You'll see. . .'Bulletproof'?" He smirked at her from the driver's seat.  
  
"It was meant to be ironic." She watched the scenery go by as they sped out of the city. "Where are we going, Nick?"  
  
"You really have no patience do you?" He shook his head.  
  
"I hate surprises."  
  
"Well, you'll like this." He pulled off the road and parked. They were out in the middle of nowhere. Sara could barely make out the haze of the city lights over the horizon.  
  
"You drove me out to a desserted road? Good thing I trust you, or I'd really be freaking out right now, Nicky."  
  
"Just shuddup, and watch, Sidle." Nick took a deep breath, and before Sara could cover her ears, let loose with a blood-curdling wail followed up by a good old-fashioned Texas 'Wooo-Hooooo!'  
  
"Now your turn." Nick looked over at the shocked expression on her face.  
  
"Uh, I don't think so."  
  
"You scared? Nobody can hear you out here. Trust me. It feels great."  
  
"You do this often?" She cocked her head to one side and studied her friend.  
  
"Only when I need to."  
  
"You also run down the street? Buck naked was it?" She smiled.  
  
"Not buck naked, no."  
  
Sara looked at Nick, took a deep breath, and screamed at the top of her lungs. Nick was impressed. They sat on the hood of Nick's car.  
  
"Make me a promise." Nick looked over at Sara who was staring up at the stars, counting.  
  
"What kind of promise?" Sara stopped counting, and looked over.  
  
"Next time you feel things are getting too heavy, you'll call me. We'll flex our lung capacity again. Maybe next time I'll bring some beer and a carton of B&J too."  
  
"Deal. So long as you do the same." She returned to the stars, and Nick smiled. In the distance a coyote howled, and a truck horn blared far off down the highway. The occasional shooting star danced across the moonless sky. Life went on. 


End file.
